Let Go: How I Learned to Step into My Dreams #MotivationMonday #SiezetheDream #Creative

Perfection has a price, but I cannot afford to live that life. It always ends the same; a fight I never win. Oh control. It’s time, time to let you go.” -JJ Heller

A few years back, on my birthday, I woke up after having an incredible dream. The dream was prophetic for my personal future. It hit straight to the core of some inner struggles I had been having. It gave me a greater hope for the future that I am now living.

For several years I had felt like I had fallen into a dark well or a completely lifeless creative downward spiral. Sure, I had been making art, commissions, and though I was pleased with the outcome of each, I have to say they were indeed lifeless … to me.

I was so detached from these paintings that I didn’t even really bother archiving them for my own portfolio. That says something. It says a lot.  My writing was like swimming through mud.

I had gone on a rampage to control everything in my life that I could. My art was controlled. There could be no mistakes in it, which meant I hardly ever created anything. My writing had to be flawless. And because it wasn’t, because I couldn’t really control it, I began to grow duller.

Spiritually, I felt like I had been traversing a craggy wasteland, always walking forward in the direction of the sun (Son), waiting for this storm of torrential rains and floods to come, but I was always waiting, always walking, and there was never a drop of rain in sight nor a cloud in the sky.

I began to grow used to the desert, both the spiritual and the creative. Oddly enough, my inner spirit man never really felt like it was in a drought, just thirsty, content, but never satisfied. No matter how much I fought to be satisfied.

As years past in my reality, circumstances not changing, my hope for a better future, for the flood rains in my creative life and spiritual life to come, became like an old plane ticket in my hand. It had no expiration date, but neither did it have a date of departure, and so I ceased looking for one.

I was a desert wanderer. This was my reality. But on my 31st birthday, waking up from that hope-reviving dream, remembering other dreams that partnered with it, I began to smell the scent of rain in the air again. A change was coming and it was right on the horizon. Messiah Yeshua Jesus even led me to a verse in the Scriptures to solidify this newly revived hope and expectation.

Isaiah 43:19 “See, I am doing what is new, let it now spring forth. Do you not know it? I am even making a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Now, for several years I had been having a connected series of dreams about living in a trash bag tent in the desert amongst many others who were fearful of a coming flood.  So when I read this verse, and the images of those old dreams of my desert lands being flooded out with enough water to fill the oceans,  I knew it was a Word of life for me from Him.

This, however, is where faith gets tricky. People of faith LOVE a word about CHANGE and BREAKTHROUGH, but they never take into consideration what CHANGE and BREAKTHROUGH really mean.

Simple analogy, think of how a child who has come to the end of his or her stay within the womb feels when they are are BREAKING THROUGH to their new place. It is not a comfortable transition.  The very fluid they had been thriving on for nine months is squeezed out of them as they pass through from one existence to the other.

Isaiah 43:19 is awesome, but there is a verse that comes before it. This verse was the training breakthrough verse from me.

Isaiah 43:18 Do not remember the former, nor consider that of old.”

STEP 1: Confront your past disappointments.

In order for me to move forward out of my desert, I had to forget the things that were behind. I had a lot of disappointments and false starts,  a lot of heartaches, a lot of wounds, and all of those things not only blocked my creativity but stifled me spiritually and emotionally.

Art doesn’t thrive in a box. Creativity is organic and grows how it grows.

I was in agreement with ‘forgetting’ all of those things. I had buried them for a reason, but I had not healed from them. I was still carrying them with me, and the load was rotting lot gangrene and affecting every creative part of me.

I began to think I was a failure because I could not make myself forget these things that Messiah Yeshua-Jesus had let out of the bag. I cried. I didn’t understand until He gently and lovingly told me a simple truth.

In order to forget what is behind, you have to confront it, heal from it, so that it never has power over you again.

You know what it is like when a clogged pipe has been treated and all that grime comes out before the clear water flows? That is what had been taking place with me ever since. I began to allow my pains to be redeemed, and I am talking about those old pains, the-school-bully-that-scared-you-when-you-were-nine kind of pains.

STEP 2: Embrace your unique path and timing.

The pains of not feeling good enough and trying to achieve those superficial plateaus that society has put in place, but failing every time. And why was I failing? Because these things are not part of His design or rather they were not part of His design for my life back then. Striving for those things (marriage, children, nest, 9 to 5 job … not really on the 9 to 5) at the WRONG time was creative suicide.

Because of my wounds, the ones that were sneaking up on me even though I had pressed them down, I had gone on a rampage to control everything in my life that I could. My art was controlled. There could be no mistakes in it, which meant I hardly ever created anything. My writing had to be flawless. And because it wasn’t, because I couldn’t really control it, I began to grow duller.

STEP 3: Divorce yourself from perfectionism.

Art doesn’t thrive in a box. Creativity is organic and grows how it grows. I was trying to control all of these things because I could not control the pain that I refused to confront. But now I know better. I was blessed with the chance to journey far way from home, away from the noise and get a glimpse of the creative woman I once was and am in the process of becoming.

I leave you to take another listen to the song that makes my heart dance. It’s one of my new anthems. It comes from the “When I’m with You.” Album by JJ Heller. The song is called “Control.” I have let go of the control now. I have ceased to clip my own wings out of fear and the need to control something, anything, just to feel secure. I gave Yeshua Jesus permission to heal my hidden hurts and to draw out the creativity that had been backed up.

BONUS: LET GO OF THE NEED TO CONTROL!

I gave up control and I am getting to know me again and you don’t need control for that. It’s actually best to let it go.

COMMUNITY QUESTIONS:

  • What steps have you taken to walk into your creative dreams?
  • What were some things that were holding you back?
  • What advice would you share with others who have struggled to take hold of or regain their footing in conquering their dreams and goals?

Please share your wisdom and advice in the comments below.

~Dream. Imagine. Believe. Do. CONQUER!

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Good Good Father: Musical Interlude

He is a Good GOOD FATHER! And we are loved by Him. His ways may not make sense as we face various struggles, pains, disappointments and trials, but Messiah Yeshua Jesus assured us in His Word that His thoughts for us ARE good and for us to be blessed. (Isaiah 55, focus on verses 8-13) (Jeremiah 29:11)

This day was the first time I heard this song. To His glory, it came on the cuffs of a prayer I was praying as I face various struggles and pains of my own life.

What has blessed my soul most in hearing this song is the fact that these are the very words He has been speaking to me since my growing pains began.

It is easy, in the face of confusion, to think we are not loved. But God’s word is true and doesn’t change. He never leaves us nor forsakes us and He loves us completely.

I am loved by Him, as you are loved by Him. I take comfort in that, like a child with a broken limb is told by their loving parent to allow that limb to be reset even though it is going to hurt. I take comfort in knowing that these fires are refining and ALL things will work for my good and His glory. (Romans 8:28)

Why? Because it has before. Why? Because He is a good GOOD Father. And I am loved by Him!

~Poiema, Poetry in Motion

Letting Go: A Music Interlude For Healing

You’ve brought me to the end of myself. This has been the longest road. And when my ‘hallelujah’ was tired, you gave me a new song. Now I’m letting go…”

If my flesh were to be cut open and my veins to flow freely until they ran dry, the words and supplication of this song would be heard, crying out from the very source of my life. I thank Yeshua Jesus that although it hurts, although it means a new direction, although it means taking time to learn the “me” I forgot and the “me” He is transforming out of what is left of me, I can let go…

You remind me Of things forgotten. You unwind me Until I’m totally undone, And with Your arms around me Fear was no match for Your love. Now You’ve won me…”

~Poiema, Poetry in Motion

Song of Strength: Musical Interlude

I realize that we each live in seasons of life; joy or sadness, pain or pleasure, peace or war, soundness or confusion, seasons that differ from the person next to us. Embrace

In the spirit of that knowledge, I share this song for those who are in a season of pain and sorrow, or confusion, whatever it may be, to encourage your heart in the Love of Yeshua Jesus.

God knows, He cares and He is with you. The book of Psalms 126 says, he who sows in tears shall reap in gladness. The Word promises to turn our mourning into dancing. (Psalm 30)

So don’t give up. Don’t give in. Keep trusting God and wrest in His loving embrace.

~Poiema Poetry in Motion


what do you do
when the life you planned is shattered
and what do you say
when the one you love is gone
how do live
seems like no hope for tomorrow
pain doesnt care where you live or who you are[chorus:]
Lord you see my life is broken
and i dont know what to do
my life’s being changed, help me remain
i will count on you
when i cant see
i know you’ll guide
when i cry out
i know you feel
now I’m praying
i know you hear
I’m praying for healing
i know you heal[verse 2:]
who do you call
when no one has the answer
where do you go
when the place you’ve known is no more
when will they stop
all these tears they just keep fallin
pain doesn’t care where you live or who you are

[chorus]

[channel:]
we ask you to forgive
and we will do the same
as we recieve your love
and we’ll take this time to heal

[chorus 2:]
hold on and wait just a little while
he’ll bring a song of strength in the midnight
touch our lives with your lovin’ hands
hold on
hold on

[chorus 2: x5]

*I claim no ownership of these lyrics by sharing them on this blog.