Today is Thursday! My favorite day of the week, and as always here are my results for Monday's Muse! To see the rules and even give them a try yourself, please do so by clicking HERE.
She read the words again, this time through tear blurred eyes. After last night, after her rant, she hadn’t known what today would have brought her. She most certainly hadn’t expected this.
The look in his chocolate brown eyes, the way his brow had creased with every burst of emotion that she spit at him surely had warranted anything but such a declaration. To me, you are perfect. Perfect. He thought she was perfect, still believed it…even after everything.
Madison felt like nothing short of a failure. All of her hopes and dreams seemed to have sifted through her fingers like sand, a horrible reminder of how time had rushed away from her leaving her, leaving them barren.
They had tried everything, shots, treatments, planning, even several different types of birth control to regulate her horrible irregularity. And what had she gotten for it? A mass of frustration, disappointment and almost 30 pounds of weight, none of which had a baby attached to it.
Harris deserved better. She’d meant to say so but all that came out of her mouth was recklessness born of her own pain. Harris had tried to speak, tried to pull her down off the cliff of emotional suicide, but it was no use. She could hear none of it. She was angry. Angry at herself, angry at Harris, and angry at God for not answering her prayers.
She collapsed onto the sofa, still staring at the posted sign scrolled by Harris’ hand. The recitation of their spoken vows echoed in her memory pressing more tears from her eyes for better or for worse. This, dry land, had indeed been their worse, she felt at her worse and yet her husband proved his love and meaning of every vow he’d made before their God and Father.
But Madison didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand why she could have the job at the company she wanted, why she could have the car she desired, the bank accounts so fat with cash flow that they made her enormous midsection look like a slight case of bloating. But yet with all the answered prayers, they could not have a child. She couldn’t give Harris what he wanted the most.
“I just want him to have that, Lord. I want him to be happy with me,” She sniffled.
“I am happy with you,” His words startled her. Harris met her gaze but closed the gap between them, dropping to his knees same as he’d done five years ago when he’d proposed. Even the mist of tears was in his eyes. “You are perfect to me, Madison. And I love you.”
She felt the salt rising in her mouth with more tears. Defeat was so ugly, but she somehow felt less of the blow with the beauty that knelt before her with him thumbing away her tears, ignoring his own.
Harris pulled her forehead to his before he kissed her tenderly. “Let’s bring an end to all our trying, okay?” He whispered.
Madison wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and rested her face just beneath his chin. She gladly welcomed the end to trying. Harris continued, “And let’s set our hearts on trusting. We may not know or understand God’s timing, but we know He loves us and is for us. So let us begin there, trusting Him with this. He gave us each other in His perfect love. He’ll gladly give us everything else in His perfect timing.”
This story I felt was extremely heavy, and as the words flowed I felt very timid in wanting to handle them with care. It is a hard thing to trust God with His timing and way for us especially when we don’t understand. The truth is, we never truly understand and if we did then what need would we have of faith? Could faith even be called faith IF we had all the answers? The pastor I follow, Ron Carpenter of Redemption Church, said something that really blessed my heart and I paraphrase: “God shows us the ‘A’ of where we are and the ‘Z’ of where we are going, and ‘Z’ is amazing. We don’t have a problem with ‘A’ or ‘Z,’ it’s the LMNOP that we have a problem with.” How many of us can agree with that? I know I can. Faith requires of us trial, and dreaded sufferings that rewards us with a faith more valuable than pure gold (1 Peter 1:6-9). It is a sturdy faith, a trustworthy faith able to maintain the blessing and vision we wait for. It is in these sufferings that we are made like Christ, for we share in His sufferings so that we can also share in His glory (Romans 8:17). The thing I most appreciate about Christ and His suffering for the whole of creation on the Cross is that He made it plain that He despised the shame of it (process) and YET He endured it for the glory of us that would be revealed (Hebrews 12:1-2). So I encourage you in whatever trial you may be facing to just be honest with how you feel and trust Him to carry you through it. There is glory in trusting Him. And just as He came to redeem the world at the perfect time (Galatians 4:4-7), He will make His promises manifest in our lives at the perfect time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Just keep believing.