If you are willing to go where God leads, He will see you through the journey.” -Pastor Jesse Duplantis
Writing is what I love. Sharing is what I love. Creating is what I love. However even in the face of things we love there can at times be a cloud of fog that blinds our direction.
We start off heading one way with excitement and hope, and somewhere down the road we end up choking on the fog of fear. For a while now I have battled with the fear of failure.
I know that I am capable. I know I have a story to tell, and image to showcase, but I have stumbled on the stones that say “What if you don’t tell the story right?” or “What if you mess up that really expensive piece of cotton rag artist paper you just purchased?”
The fear is paralyzing. It kept me still for far too many years. I wished I had pushed through it sooner. Being able to create a perfectly scaled form with charcoal in only a few minutes is not something you can do after a several year hiatus. It is certainly not like riding a bike, a skill people say you never forget.
With art, it is all about muscle memory. Sometimes I feel that (even though I can sling a figure out of a paintbrush and oils with no problem) when it comes to figure drawing, my muscles have atrophied. But I am confident it will all work out.
I have to go through the process of relearning and that is ok. I believe that when the Word of God says ALL things work out for my good (Romans 8:28) that that is indeed the truth, even down to the delays that are caused by my unreasonable fears.
This is not the first time that I have managed a blog. The only difference is this blog is personal, more vulnerable. It is about me, my personal experience in my faith, my art, my dreams.
When I came home from Europe, still basking in the afterglow of creative reawakening, I wanted to share it. I didn’t know where to start. And then I felt the tug and heard a gentle voice say “Start a blog.” There was a cringing moment there, although short lived, because that fog began to grow up and around me.
Clearly I have taken the plunge. I am evicting the fear now. I have a blog. I have been writing more freely since this blog requires a level of commitment and discipline that my other writing projects have.
Here, I have more of an audience waiting for my next act, and I would like to believe cheering me on. I will admit that last night when I sat down to sketch I struggled and nothing happened. What was the struggle? The fear of ruining a sketchbook that I got a great deal on. (GASP!)
Everything will work out as I said before because I am willing to go forward no matter how hard it is at times. I WILL sketch, and I will share, and I will believe that my Heavenly Father is seeing me through this journey. He never asks me to do anything He has not given me the faith and provision to do. The journey continues.
It was His idea after all.