Your palms sweat, and grip tightly to the plastic as if it is the only lifeline you have, the only thing that will keep you from drowning. But you have to make a decision. You have to decide. Change is eminent. There is no turning back. You feel the slickness of your hands pulling away from the surface and you draw it closer to your face, your eyes ever widening. Your focus doesn’t improve. Instead it becomes worse, blurred, jumbled, more lost in the sea of confusion as you stare anxiously, fearfully at…your menu.
Isn’t it just like that? Okay, maybe not as intense, but there is still that pressure, when you go to your favorite restaurant, one that you have visited for years. And somehow, no matter how many times you have gone you have faithfully ordered the same meal, too afraid to branch out and try something new. We tend to hold on to the familiar “order” as if the very moment we try something different we are going to be hit with disappointment. The next meal certainly won’t be as good as the one you are used to, the one that is safe. And when that new order comes, and it is bad, you had better not send it back because as sure as the sun is shining the staff will spit in it, and then what are you going to do?! You do nothing because all you have to do is order the same old safe meal. You fill up off of the satisfying familiar and lose nothing in the process except for a new experience.
That is exactly what life is like for us artist and writers, those of us who have gotten used to a cycle, a certain flow that we know will produce desired and lucrative results but…BUT the thrill has somehow gone from what used to bring us so much pleasure. We play double-dutch with the ropes of change, battling between jumping into something different or sticking to the outside of the ropes and walking in whats familiar. Its easier that way, but soulless at the same time.
But what is an artist to do when they open up that familiar menu and their safe option is no longer there? What are we to do when the only option we have is the option that we have been avoiding for so long out of fear of failure, rejection and mockery? No matter how old you get those fears like to pay us visits. They are unavoidable but they are certainly conquerable.
Change and newness is frightening. It is a keen to shooting into the dark. You don’t know what, if anything at all, you will hit. You become tempted with just raising your old victories, showing those to the world because those have won applause. But they, though brilliant in their day, are dusty and old. It is time for the new to rise up and earn its place on your trophy shelf.
The truth is it is so easy to go backward to the familiar guided by fear instead of moving forward into the unknown. But I reckon that unless you have left something of great value behind it is always better to go forward no matter how much you stumble. So onward we go with this blog, with these words, musings and fiction, art and dreams. I shall share my ammunition, firing in the dark and by Yeshua’s grace I will hit the heart of my own creativity.
I will find a new voice.